After decades of service, the war doesn’t always end when the uniform comes off. For some soldiers, the deepest wounds linger long after the fighting — in memories, in sleep, in the nervous system. In a moving episode of the Ayahuasca Podcast, Matthew Butler, a retired lieutenant colonel and former Green Beret, shares how the traditional plant-medicine of ayahuasca became a turning point in his long fight with PTSD — not a quick fix, but a path to genuine healing.
When Conventional Treatment Isn’t Enough
Matthew spent 27 years in the U.S. military, much of it with the special forces, enduring combat tours and accumulating what he later called “invisible wounds.” When he retired in 2017, he found himself in a bleak inner war: crippling anxiety, chronic nightmares, hypervigilance, and emotional isolation.
He tried the standard treatments — antidepressants, therapy, support systems, even a service dog — but nothing brought lasting relief. His life had external stability, but inside he was unraveling. One chaotic moment near a family intervention, followed by an arrest, made clear to him that he was on a dangerous path. Everything else had failed.
With survival and sanity on the line, Matthew eventually came across stories of psychedelic-assisted healing. With cautious curiosity and deep desperation, he signed up for an ayahuasca retreat — perhaps seeing it as a last shot.
The Ceremony That Shifted Everything
Under the care of experienced facilitators, Matthew entered the ceremonial space with humility and intention: not demanding miracles, but open to facing what lay buried inside. The first ceremonies were intense. Memories, fear, grief, guilt — all surfaced in waves. He admits it wasn’t easy: the medicine held up a mirror, and the reflection was painful.
But as the ceremonies progressed something shifted. The weight of PTSD — the constant alertness, the internal tension — began to ease. In the darkness of the brew, he started to feel space inside. For the first time in years, his nervous system — always poised for danger — allowed itself to soften.
He described the change not as a sudden “cure,” but as a reopening: a chance to finally see what had been hidden. The nightmares stopped. The anxiety loosened its grip. The hyper-vigilance receded. He felt calmer, more grounded, more present.
Life After — Rebuilding with Intention
But the healing didn’t end after the final ceremony. Matthew emphasizes that ayahuasca opened a door — what followed was his own journey through it. With renewed clarity, he began to integrate: providing space for reflection, repairing relationships, committing to healthier habits, and reconnecting with himself on a deeper level.
He also became an advocate: speaking out about what he went through, encouraging other veterans to consider healing options beyond standard therapy, and helping destigmatize alternative paths.
Why the Ayahuasca Route Felt Different
Several things made this path stand out:
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Depth over surface relief: Instead of suppressing symptoms, the medicine invited buried trauma to surface — grief, guilt, memories — giving Matthew a chance to process rather than dissociate.
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Embodied healing: The cleansing wasn’t just mental, but physical and emotional — affecting his nervous system, sleep, energy, and presence.
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Integration-driven transformation: The real change happened over months — with intention, reflection, and lifestyle changes that respected what the medicine had stirred.
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Empowerment, not dependency: This was not a pill to take. It was a catalyst — a door to walk through intentionally. Matthew didn’t trade one dependency for another; he reclaimed agency over his life.
A Balanced View: Not Magic — But Possibility
Matthew is clear: ayahuasca did not “fix” everything overnight, and it’s not a guarantee for everyone. He warns that the work can be intense, emotionally demanding, and should never be entered lightly. The setting, the guides, the preparation, and the integration afterward matter deeply. Done wrong — or with unrealistic expectations — the medicine can backfire or stay a missed opportunity.
But for him — and for many other veterans — it has been a chance to re-ground, reconnect, and reclaim life. He calls it painful, sacred, and ultimately liberating. He doesn’t guarantee it for everyone — only that for those willing to do the inner work, it can open a door that had long seemed permanently closed.
From War-Torn to Whole Again
Matthew Butler’s journey is not one of glamour, but of gritty honesty and courageous healing. From sleepless nights, crippling anxiety and a life on autopilot — to calm mornings, inner peace, and renewed purpose. From emotional wreckage to reconnection with self, family, and humanity again.
For veterans, trauma survivors, or anyone who has felt stuck in internal war zones, his story offers a different kind of hope — not the illusion of a quick fix, but the invitation to brave the inner journey, confront what hides in the shadows, and rebuild from the inside out.
This is not the end of the story — but the beginning of a new chapter: one guided by presence, authenticity, and the possibility of healing where medicine and conventional treatment once fell short.
Based on the Ayahuasca Podcast episode “Lieutenant colonel heals PTSD with Ayahuasca” with Sam Believ and Matthew.
Sam Believ is the founder and CEO of LaWayra Ayahuasca Retreat, the best-rated Ayahuasca retreat in South America, with over 520 five-star Google reviews and an overall rating of 5 stars. After his life was transformed by Ayahuasca, he dedicated himself to spreading awareness about this ancestral medicine to help address the mental health crisis. Sam is committed to making Ayahuasca retreats affordable, accessible, and authentic, with a focus on care, integration, and the involvement of indigenous shamans. He is also the host of the Ayahuasca Podcast.
